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<h1><a href="https://archiveofourown.org/works/29206572">you're so brave (im proud of you)</a> by <a class='authorlink' href='https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanheepretty/pseuds/chanheepretty'>chanheepretty</a></h1>

<table class="full">

<tr><td><b>Category:</b></td><td>The Boyz (Korea Band)</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Genre:</b></td><td>Angst, Angst and Hurt/Comfort, Angst with a Happy Ending, Anxiety, Anxiety Attacks, Bathtubs, Boyfriends, Boys In Love, Comfort, Crying, Cuddling &amp; Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Established Relationship, Fear, Happy Ending, Hugs, Light Angst, M/M, Men Crying, Naked Cuddling, Pet Names, Rants, Teasing</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Language:</b></td><td>English</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Status:</b></td><td>Completed</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Published:</b></td><td>2021-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Updated:</b></td><td>2021-02-04</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Packaged:</b></td><td>2021-05-13 05:42:11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Rating:</b></td><td>General Audiences</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Warnings:</b></td><td>Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Chapters:</b></td><td>1</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Words:</b></td><td>3,134</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Publisher:</b></td><td>archiveofourown.org</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Story URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/works/29206572</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Author URL:</b></td><td>https://archiveofourown.org/users/chanheepretty/pseuds/chanheepretty</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Summary:</b></td><td><div class="userstuff">
              <p>“juyeon… im not that sad. im okay, just a little down.” </p><p>‘’a little down is still sad, isn’t it?” </p><p>---<br/>where hyunjae comes to juyeon for assurance and comfort because of the dark thoughts in his mind. hyunjae does break down but dont worry, juyeon pulls him up again. and they are happy at the end. they are okay and happy.</p>
            </div></td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Relationships:</b></td><td>Lee Jaehyun | Hyunjae/Lee Juyeon</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Comments:</b></td><td>11</td></tr>

<tr><td><b>Kudos:</b></td><td>93</td></tr>

</table>

<a name="section0001"><h2>you're so brave (im proud of you)</h2></a>
<div class="story"><div class="fff_chapter_notes fff_head_notes"><b>Author's Note:</b><blockquote class="userstuff">
      <p>i hope this makes a lot of people know they are not alone. i think that is the main purpose of this whole fic. read the last paragraph carefully and i hope that it can bring comfort and safety to whoever needs it.</p>
    </blockquote></div><div class="userstuff module">
    
    <p>juyeon was generally thankful and joyful for having only a 5-minute walk distance between his and hyunjae’s place. living close enough to each other, juyeon expected more meetings, more hanging out, more spending time together, more being able to drop hyunjae at his place before continuing to his own apartment. while hyunjae lived on the first floor of the third building in the apartment complex, juyeon stayed at the seventh building, fifth floor. </p><p>juyeon also expected late night dates, late night meet ups at the fountain in the complex area, late night snacking while walking around between the tall buildings. juyeon, ever so often, also expected hyunjae to frequent to his apartment when he was feeling upset or stressed. despite juyeon only trying to focus on positive and good things in their lives, having faith that they could always be okay, he couldn’t help some negative thoughts floating in his brain for a couple of seconds.</p><p>that’s why, when he dropped hyunjae at his apartment and saw how the elder’s smile didn’t turn his eyes into crescents nor did it lift his cheeks up enough, the thoughts floated up immediately. however, juyeon didn’t say anything about it, didn’t add anything other than the usual ‘goodnight, i will see you tomorrow’ neither. on his way to his own apartment, he did expect the late night knocks on his front door. he was grateful for his expectance to be reality.</p><p>he paused the documentary he was watching when the thumps were heard and quickly moved to open the door. his arms opened silently once his eyes met his boyfriend’s, his hands making grabby movements to call hyunjae into his arms. and hyunjae walked into his arms, wrapped his own arms around the younger’s body, rested his head against his broad chest and followed his careful steps into the apartment still in his arms.</p><p>after juyeon closed the door, his arms held hyunjae firmly against his chest. they swayed together for a moment before juyeon pulled back, tilting his head to look at hyunjae and move the fringe off his forehead, “are you cold or hungry? or do you just wanna go in and sit with me?” hyunjae shook his head and smiled naturally at his boyfriend, “nothing. just wanna sit with you, if you aren’t busy or anything.” </p><p>juyeon clicked his tongue at the second statement, shaking his head and pulling hyunjae behind him to the couch where he was sitting before. juyeon sat down and looked up at hyunjae who remained on his feet for a brief second before placing his hands on the younger’s shoulders and straddling his hips. hyunjae wrapped his arms around juyeon’s neck, closing his eyes as he rested his chin on the seated boy’s shoulder. </p><p>juyeon rubbed his hands all over the boy’s back, moving them in circles, up and down, left and right. he didn’t ask for an explanation or a reason, he just held the elder close to him. he knew the other would eventually complain out about what was wrong, so he waited. juyeon waited patiently for hyunjae to gather his feelings into a comprehensive paragraph and rant it out to him. “you can continue watching your thing, juyeon.” hyunjae mumbled into the silence of the apartment, his voice sounding higher than he hoped. </p><p>juyeon wasn’t watching anything important. it was just a documentary youtube video on his tv that he could watch again any time he wanted. yet, juyeon played the video. he knew that if he didn’t do it, hyunjae would leave. if he didn’t leave, he would think that he was a burden for juyeon. think that he interrupted juyeon and that would make him feel worse because hyunjae wasn’t a burden nor an interrupter. </p><p>he did look at the screen in front of him, but his mind was not processing any information or scene being displayed. his hands still moved around the slim body in his arms. from hyunjae’s back to his shoulders, biceps, back down to hips and then his thighs. juyeon tilted his head slightly towards hyunjae’s, resting his temple against the elder’s forehead. hyunjae moved closer after that, hiding his face completely in juyeon’s neck.</p><p>juyeon wrapped his arm around hyunjae’s waist before he stood up. he felt hyunjae’s breath hitch and his hands grip onto the shirt covering juyeon’s back, startled. the younger made his way into his bedroom, kicking the door to close behind him before walking into the rather big bathroom connected to the bedroom. hyunjae’s legs were around his waist during this short walk, his ankles hooked together.</p><p>the younger tapped his boyfriend’s thighs softly, silently asking him to move his legs down and stand up in front of him. hyunjae stood up properly, his hands dropping by his side while his eyes rose to meet juyeon’s. they met juyeon’s sincere smile and fond gaze before the latter turned away to fill the bath tub with warm water. hyunjae knew what came after that; juyeon would add bubble bombs and bubbles would fill up the tub to the brim and then he would put hyunjae in the bubbles, talk about nothing, pamper him with affection and love.</p><p>hyunjae smiled as he watched him, giggling quietly to himself as he shook his head, “juyeon… im not that sad. im okay, just a little down.” the elder reached over to his boyfriend to tug him back towards him. he hugged him from behind, his body starting to feel airy as the calming scent filled up his senses. ‘’a little down is still sad, isn’t it?” juyeon answered before turning to face hyunjae, cupping his face. the elder shook his head again, huddling into juyeon’s space to kiss over his chin. </p><p>juyeon smiled widely at him, kissing his nose gently before moving his hands from hyunjae’s face to tug on his shirt. hyunjae stepped back and pulled his shirt over his head and put it away, taking off his shoes and then the rest of his clothes, kicking them all into the corner. hyunjae climbed into the relaxing space prepared for him. he smiled as he sank down in the water, tilting his head to the side while looking at juyeon who sat at the edge and looked back at him. they smiled at each other for a second too long before hyunjae sat up and grabbed juyeon’s hand.</p><p>“wont you join me?” juyeon chuckled softly and stood up, humming his ‘yes’ answer before stripping off his clothes and piling them over hyunjae’s. he walked to his boyfriend, taking a seat behind him. his lips freed a sigh as the warm water engulfed him, his boyfriend’s pleasant warmth pressing against his chest. </p><p>hyunjae rested his head against juyeon’s shoulder. the younger’s arms automatically wrapped around his waist and his head inclined back against the tiled wall behind. hyunjae moved his finger around in the bubbles, his eyes intently watching empty roads grow behind the trail of his finger. juyeon’s hand caressed the elder’s stomach, covering up his chest and shoulders with the white foam as he massaged the tensed muscles. </p><p>‘’im okay. you know?” hyunjae breathed out, his arms hiding underneath the foam and into the water again. “ive been okay the whole day, just… a little restless? i don’t know how to explain.” juyeon hummed and nodded as the elder continued on, “i felt scared sometimes, for no reason. i thought about it, nothing happened, i have nothing to be scared of but i still feel so terrified.” hyunjae took his time to explain properly, his breath speeding up as the thoughts clouded his mind again.</p><p>“it was like i had to have eyes on my back to watch out, felt like someone was coming after me. i almost panicked twice but i calmed down. my heart’s still racing so fast every other second and my lungs feel so dry.” juyeon didn’t see them but he knew behind the closed lids, hyunjae’s tears were sailing. juyeon rested his hand over hyunjae’s that was over the elder’s chest, where his heart was beneath. he kissed softly over hyunjae’s cheek, urging him to continue speaking out, assuring him that he was listening. </p><p>“i feel like im being hunted i, i feel so scared. i don’t know, maybe im scared of losing someone important to me, of getting some bad news, of falling sick, of being left alone, of having my favourite cup break or my keys not unlocking the door to my apartment. it is so pointless, this whole feeling. i mean, why in the world would my keys suddenly not unlock the door, you know?” hyunjae sniffled his question, his chest heaving no matter how much he tried to control it after he stopped talking. </p><p>hyunjae blinked quickly to hold back his tears from falling, parting his lips to let more air flow into his system to actually reach his lungs. “i feel so anxious and scared and unsafe. i even suspected some random person coming in and doing something to me. i kept hearing weird noises. they were so creepy.” he finally sobbed out, his cry dragging for a moment. he leaned slightly forward, the only thing preventing him from dropping face-front into the water was juyeon’s hand over his chest holding him back.</p><p>“im here. take a breath, doll. take a deep breath, come on.” the younger whispered calmly, handling his heart beat into a normal rhythm for the sake of his lover. he had to be strong for him now, hyunjae needed him. he breathed in and out, deeply and slowly, administrating as hyunjae followed his lead and copied him. he held the elder back against his chest, pressing him firmly so that he can feel the younger’s heart drum. </p><p>it took him a minute or two to calm down at last. his lungs filling with air again and his cheeks moistening with tears. hyunjae might have shakily moved his hands up to hide his face or wipe his tears or rub his eyes, juyeon didn’t know which one but he stopped him from moving his arms nonetheless. the younger kept hyunjae’s body bathed in the warm water, refusing any attempt for his skin to feel a breeze of the colder air in the bathroom. </p><p>juyeon pressed a trail of kisses over hyunjae’s wet cheeks to reach his temple then dip against his ear. he breathed from his nose slowly for a second before whispering quietly, “it’s okay to feel like that. i understand how you feel. what you felt today was normal, baby love, these feelings are so valid. but you’re here with me now, right? and you’re safe with me. i got you, i will not let anyone come near you from behind. everyone important to you is okay as well, there’s no bad news today either. that’s what matters, see, you got through today so well and im so proud of you for that. you’ve been so strong today, hyunjae.” </p><p>hearing his boyfriend’s words, hyunjae couldn’t help the sob that broke out of his chest. juyeon went on with his caresses over the elder’s body and went on with his comfort as well, “it’s okay if your favorite cup breaks, too. i will get you another, and if the new one breaks i will get you a newer one too. your keys not unlocking your door wont be a problem for us either, one call and i will be waiting by your side for someone to come and change the locks. it was okay to have these thoughts, all of them, you know what’s further important?” </p><p>juyeon pulled back to look at his pliant boyfriend that rested in his arms, waiting for an answer from him to make sure he was still listening. he noticed the elder’s chest come down to a normal rhythm again and felt deeply grateful for that. juyeon moved hyunjae’s hair away from his face and held his cheek to lock their eyes together. hyunjae shakily breathed out after a brief second and shook his head, quietly answering that he didn’t know what was further important.</p><p>“what’s further important is that you were brave enough to come here alone and talk it out. you came all the way here, in the middle of the night, alone, to throw away a weight that was holding you down. maybe it was even holding you back from coming here in the first place yet you overcame it confidently, got here, and beat it off. im always so proud of you for that. im always so thankful you do, even subconsciously, realize that you have me. you’ve got me till my last breath. you’ve got me till the end of the world and im never leaving your side.”</p><p>juyeon was talking slowly, emphasizing each and every word, trying his best to fill every sentence with the genuine sincerity behind his comfort. it pained juyeon to see the stream of tears never stopping from his lover’s now tired eyes but the stable nods he got after his words and the tight smile, that was real for the first time that night, that he got from hyunjae dominated the pain with satisfaction. he felt like crying from relief and appreciation that he was successfully helpful. “you’re insane.” hyunjae weakly laughed before sniffling, shaking his head one last time before looking ahead with pursed lips. </p><p>the younger smiled at his boyfriend’s side profile. he leaned in and pressed a long kiss on his cheek, “i insanely adore you, champ.” this time hyunjae also laughed. but he laughed for a longer second, louder and livelier. juyeon grinned widely at him, kissing his cheek again and squeezing him closer, “we should get out, the water is cold now.” hyunjae nodded at the younger’s suggestion, bowing to the front and shivering lightly as the warmth left him when juyeon got out. </p><p>juyeon grabbed a towel, wrapping it around his waist before getting a bigger one for hyunjae. the elder held onto the sides of the tub to stand up, shivering again and feeling goosebumps raise on his skin as the cool air surrounded him. juyeon quickly wrapped the towel around hyunjae, holding onto his shoulders from behind to make him lead the way to the bedroom. juyeon quickly left his boyfriend’s side to fetch him a hoodie and a jogger to put on. “do you want me to help you dry up and wear the clothes?” hyunjae slapped the younger’s arm gently and shook his head, “go put something on your body, i can take care of myself.” </p><p>juyeon chuckled and pinched hyunjae’s nose softly, nodding and starting to dry himself to wear something for bed as well. when he was fully clothed, juyeon went to the bathroom again to wipe off the water from the floor, discard their clothes into the laundry basket and unplug the tub for the water to flow off. hyunjae was standing in front of the bed when he came back into the room and closed the door behind him. “i know it’s late but can we…” hyunjae fiddled with his fingers as he trailed his words, his head lifting up to look at juyeon when the younger suddenly had his arms around his waist.</p><p>“can we?” juyeon rose his eyebrow at the elder’s unfinished sentence, only imagining what the request could be. “can we have something to eat? pizza? or chicken? burgers can be okay, too! i know it is like, past midnight or something.” hyunjae pouted when he mentioned the time yet he still looked hopefully at juyeon, waiting for his agreement.</p><p>and how could juyeon not agree? he laughed out loud before burying his face in hyunjae’s neck, hugging his waist protectively. “i thought you wanted something else.” hyunjae groaned under his breath at the teasing tone. he pinched his boyfriend’s side and pushed him away, “you’re very, very dirty minded. go order something, i will find something to watch while we eat food.” hyunjae stressed on his ‘we eat food’ as he poked juyeon’s chest three times, one after each word. </p><p>juyeon laughed at his pouting boyfriend, watching him leave the room. “love you, baby!” he shouted after him with a grin gracing his lips, “yeah, yeah! i love you too, big guy.” he heard hyunjae shout back from the living room. juyeon did end up ordering food for them, maybe more than they could actually eat and much more than they would need to eat at one in the morning but he felt happy. </p><p>he felt happy when he saw hyunjae’s eyes light up three times; first time after the pizza arrived, second time after the chicken arrived and the third after the burgers arrived. he decided not to listen to the elder’s complaints about how he didn’t have to order them all and how he really was feeling much much better than before. </p><p>“so, big guy you said?” hyunjae groaned loudly this time, shoving a piece of chicken into juyeon’s mouth as he swallowed the food in his mouth. “shut up. or else i will leave right now.” juyeon whined and shook his head, chewing the chicken as he moved closer to his boyfriend. “you cant leave. i refuse. i do not allow you, lee jaehyun, to step out of this apartment tonight.” </p><p>and they didn’t really argue over that topic for the rest of their time awake. both of them already knew no one was leaving. they already knew that they would fall asleep on top of each other and wake up late, their limbs tangled together. and maybe, juyeon knew hyunjae would wake up first and wake him up with a shower of small pecks all over his face and small words of sweetness and begs of waking up. to say juyeon expected that night to repeat itself in the upcoming months was a fact but that still didn’t make him feel upset because he knew, just like that night after one in the morning, everything would be okay.</p><p>because nothing bad lasts forever. because every negativity will always be erased with positivity. because all of these hunting thoughts are only temporary. because we will always win in fights like this because we are strong, powerful, brave and courageous. because they have each other. because no one is ever alone. because everyone is loved, important, needed, valuable and precious. nights like that pass and only their memories remain. while anxiousness held onto the process of breaking down, hyunjae held onto the blossoming that came at the end. and after all, he was okay. he was safe and sound. he is okay. he is safe and sound and he hopes that whoever survived times like know that they are brave and strong and are truly a champion.</p>
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